


Rolling Stone

by ErykahChanel



Series: Pillow Talk. [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Existential Crisis, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, M/M, POV Magnus Bane, Pillow Talk, Sunsets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 02:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15233223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErykahChanel/pseuds/ErykahChanel
Summary: Even immortals feel lost at times.Sometimes I feel like a stone, I'm rolling.





	Rolling Stone

It was rare for Magnus to be the first one in bed.

The satin bedspread and numerous pillows usually met Alec first, weary from the day's events, eager to shut his eyes and rest for a few hours. Tonight, it was Magnus who pulled the covers back and crawled in between them with a sigh.

Was he content? Was he bored? Was he upset?

It was anyone's guess.

Magnus laid there for an hour, watching the sunset through wistful eyes. Each day at dusk, he was gifted with the blissful sight, without fail. The sun was eternal and never ending, much like Magnus himself. Every morning, it rose without encouragement or praise, dazzling millions with its brilliant glow. The nights gave way to something much sweeter, no less amazing than the gift of morning.

Gradually, the blues shifted to oranges and yellows, a teaser of what was to come. The clouds, once thick and full like bits of cotton strewn about the sky began to blur and streak across the sky's canvas, fading into the pinks and purples of dusk. If one looked closely enough, when those purples turned violet, they'd see the early twinkling of stars, and the burn of a distant planet or two. The sun had sank below the horizon, gone from view for some odd hours. All the while, someone in a city across the globe was being woken up by the same phenomenal sight once more.

Magnus blinked and rolled onto his back to gaze at the ceiling. His room was now blanketed in darkness, and he couldn't be bothered to turn on the lamp. He brought a hand up curiously, gently rotating his wrist in time with the wisps of yellows and golds emitting from the tips of his fingers.

"There you are," A soft voice called from the doorway.

_Alec._

He'd returned from a long day at the Institute, head aching from hours of tedious paperwork. The bed dipped slightly as he slid in beside Magnus, kissing his temple before lying down.

"Rough day?" He asked, watching Magnus' hand.

"Day..." Magnus repeated quietly. "If a day could span the length of four hundred years, it'd be quite rough."

Alec reached over to wrap an arm around him, pulling him closer. There was something in Magnus' tone that bothered him for reasons he couldn't place.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alec paused. "Or not. We don't have to, we can just lay here and breathe."

Magnus chuckled at that. "Are you suggesting you'll quit breathing if I tell you what's bothering me?"

"What?" Alec blushed. "No, that's not-" He bumped Magnus' shoulder. "You know what I mean."

Magnus dropped his hand, leaving them in the darkness once more. "Yes, darling. I know."

The fact that he knew was what had him biting his tongue. Alec was always patient with him, unhurried with his questions, gentle with his careful questioning. If Magnus didn't know any better, he'd think Alec was treating him like he was made of glass. That alone would've been enough to tick him off, but he knew that coming from Alec, it was another one of life's precious gifts. He could love Magnus for all that he was, see all his strength and power, and still take the time to treat him as if he were delicate as a rose.

Throughout much of his life, Magnus' strength was all people seemed to know; few had ever thought to try and see passed any of it. They didn't care for his moments of doubt, weakness, or pain. To them, he was a resource first, and a person second. Alec was the first to look at him and see things in reverse, and it filled him with a sense of incomparable peace he wished to never part with.

"What do you think about the sun?" Magnus broke the silence.

Alec shifted beside him. "The sun? It's...well, it's the sun."

"Yes, but what does it do?" Magnus pressed.

"Provides warmth, energy, life," Alec said. "We need it to survive. Why do you ask?" That was the question of the hour.

What _about_ the sun? The moon, the stars? The air surrounding them? The core of the earth they stood on? The water churning in the oceans?

_What about any of them?_

"It's beautiful and timeless," Magnus whispered. "Unchanged through millennium."

"That too, I guess."

"Is that how you think of me?" Magnus finally turned on a lamp, allowing him to look at Alec properly.

He looked gorgeous as always, hair damp from his shower, eyes blinking lazily as he stared back at Magnus.

"Beautiful? Of course," He said. "Why wouldn't I?"

Magnus smiled. "Not that part, angel." Alec thought for a moment.

"Magnus," He frowned. "No. No. You're not this- this omnipresent thing that's been around for a while. You're so much more than that."

"Am I?" Magnus bit his lip. "I feel like a stone. Always rolling, never changing." He couldn't stand the look on Alec's face, so he turned away, fixating on the ceiling once more.

This was one of the dubious pitfalls of immortality. Mortals saw it as an idea; a clock that never ran out, an endless opportunity to live one's dreams, the gift of life served on a silver platter that would never tarnish. They never saw the other side of the coin.

The crushing loneliness you felt every few decades. The feeble remnants of your identity. The troubling thoughts that plagued you sometimes. The burden of constantly being torn between feeling everything, or nothing at all.

The _envy_.

The ease of which things around you lived, died, and were reborn over time. Time itself, bringing about the promise of change, change that would never befall you.

"I know it sounds silly," Magnus said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "An immortal, whining about time-"

"Stop," Alec said. "You're not whining, you're telling me how you feel. No hiding, remember?"

"Right," Magnus nodded. "My mind is just...it's a mess these days. I wish I could put into words what it is that I'm feeling." Alec's hand found his, lightly tracing the lines of his fingers as he spoke.

"I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm jaded by my own existence. Life is hard, but it's rewarding."

Alec smiled then. "Every minute of every day spent in your presence is a reward."

Magnus turned to kiss his nose. "Likewise."

They laid like that for a little while, exchanging sweet kisses and soft touches. No matter how exhausting or mind-bending the world around them could be, they would always have this. Moments when everything else melted away, leaving them free to indulge in one another.

Alec pulled away first, moving to sit upright and pull Magnus with him.

"How is it that I'm so full of life one day, and completely drained the next?" Magnus asked. He'd watched Alec do it over and over again, and been puzzled by the resilience he'd shown.

That man had every reason to want to shut himself in his room and stay hidden for a few days, yet he didn't. He'd learned to smile often, laugh freely, and open his heart without hesitation. In all his years of living, that was the strength Magnus longed to possess.

"It's not as uncommon as you think," Alec said. "You feel lost sometimes. We all do. Lost, afraid, confused - I believe it's called an existential crisis."

"I'm not in any crisis," Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Am I?"

"Sure you are. You're immortal, not invincible."

_Immortal, not invincible._

Apart from his obvious magic and prolonged lifespan, Magnus was as close to human as any of them. Tired until he rested, hungry until he ate, living until a complex chain of events changed that somehow.

"I never thought of it that way."

"I have," Alec said. "You're not frozen in time. You're different everyday, forever evolving with the rest of us. You may look the same, but your heart? Your mind? I can't even begin to imagine the depth there. Forget the sun, it doesn't compare to your light." Magnus buried his face in the crook of Alec's neck, breathing him in.

"It's not fair," He groaned. "I spend hours thinking in circles, then you come in and untangle it all with a few words and a smile."

"That's what you do for me," Alec laughed. "I figured I'd return the favor."

Magnus lifted his head. As expected, Alec was already looking at him, completely at ease. As if he'd been discussing the weather rather than stopping Magnus from spiraling into a dark web of thoughts.

"Thank you," Magnus whispered. "You'll never know how much I appreciate you and all that you do."

Alec would never know, but that wouldn't stop him from telling him as much every chance he got.

"You're welcome," Alec's eyes lit up. "I love you."

Those three simple words never failed to make Magnus' heart soar. Suddenly, time wasn't an issue. It didn't matter how long he'd been alive, or that he didn't know what the future held. He was thankful that of all the years to live, he got to be around at the same time as Alec.

That alone made it all worth it.

"I love you too."

They watched the sunrise the next morning. Naked, legs tangled, lips parted in awe.

_Together_.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write something like this for _months _. Writing things from a new perspective was a bit challenging initially, but I hope I was able to do Magnus justice. Thank you so much for reading, I love you. ❤__


End file.
